People who became sick from toxic mold in their home found that they reacted to their belongings. Many people have made the hard decision to throw it all away and start over. Since my family had to make that decision in 2023, I have been asked by many people in the process of leaving their homes what items they can keep.
This is a heavy question, because we’re not just talking about irreplaceable mementos and heirlooms. We’re talking about everything, because most renter’s and homeowner’s insurance policies have a clause against mold. Nothing will be replaced except for what the family can afford to replace. For a family severely ill with mounting medical bills, they may be able to replace only the necessities. The decision whether or not to throw it all away should not be made lightly or quickly. However, I do believe there is one deciding factor: the severity of illness in the family.
Interviewing Survivors
In June 2023, I knew toxic mold was present in our home and saturated our air. I spent about two months interviewing people who had been through this. Won’t a remediation company remove the mold completely? Can’t we just clean our belongings? Do we really have to leave our home? All these interviews revealed a pattern:
- People who had minor illness, proper containment during remediation, complete removal of moldy materials, excellent post-remediation test results, and quality HEPA vacuuming and small particle cleaning after remediation were often able to keep much of their belongings and return to their home.
- People who had improper containment, had mold “treated” instead of removed, poor post-remediation test results, and poor small particle cleaning were often made very sick upon re-entry and re-exposure to their belongings, especially if they were very ill to begin with. Most chose to throw it all away.
- People who were severely ill sometimes had reactions despite a successful remediation and could not return or keep anything porous. They chose to throw it all away.
I also noticed two common responses of people who had reactions to their belongings:
- Some people kept their things and cleaned them with special cleaners and laid their items in the sun to use UV rays to break down mold mycotoxins. Some people did this successfully. Others continued to react, and their things cross-contaminated their new home, causing them to react in what was supposed to be their safe place. They had to move again and throw it all away. (You can read more about cross contamination at TruthAboutMold.com.)
- Others chose not to risk contaminating their new home, and they put their belongings in storage. Some people chose to put almost all their belongings in storage while others only stored their most important items. Those who chose to use storage sometimes were able to tolerate being around their belongings after several years of detoxing their bodies and healing.
Our Decision to Leave Home
Everyone’s situation is slightly different, so no blanket advice can be given. You have to weigh the facts for your specific scenario and evaluate the symptoms of the sickest member of the household.
We could not even pretend to ignore how sick my children and I were. I was passing out several times a day, having difficulty swallowing even liquids, could not stop trembling, and had damage to several organs including my liver, pituitary gland, heart, lungs, and thyroid. My oldest had mold mycotoxins leeching minerals from her bones, causing severe leg pain, two fractures, and several dental cavities. My youngest was the sickest. He suffered neurological damage including tics, loss of muscle control in his hands, insomnia, night terrors, incontinence, and debilitating vertigo. (You can read more about our symptoms and the process of finding mold in my blog entry titled Uncovering Mold: Our Story.)
We did not own the home. We were given opportunities to share information on mycotoxins and mold toxicity illness, and we were allowed to give an opinion on the two remediators that offered free quotes, but we did not have control over what company was chosen or what remediation methods were used. Yet, we were hopeful that we could return to the home and keep all our things. We planned to replace bedding and mattresses, but we hoped that would be all.
After remediation was done, we weren’t satisfied with the post-remediation test results, which were performed by a third party. I was also very wary of the chemical the remediation company used to fog the house. One of my mold symptoms was extreme chemical sensitivity. Because of the test results and the fog, we did not move back in, and we did not let the kids go inside. However, autumn was coming, so I brought out warmer clothes and washed them.
A few hours later, I was at a friend’s house lying on the floor and gasping. I felt like I was having a heart attack. My husband was working, and he had to come get me to take me to urgent care. That night, my son was unable to sit up due to vertigo. He was screaming and vomiting. The next morning, he suddenly had severe OCD. He washed his hands so often, they started bleeding. He said the world would fall down if he saw anything upside-down. His previous symptoms pointed to Pediatric Acute-onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome (PANS), but the re-exposure is what caused the acute-onset OCD, the hallmark symptom of PANS.
That was the day we knew we could never go back home, and we knew it was a possibility we would need to throw it all away, but we weren’t ready to give up, yet.
I contacted the remediator to let him know our medical state; he emailed me back telling me no matter how well the house is remediated, we were too sensitized to ever return. Our mold-literate doctor agreed.
Our hearts broke. We were scared. My husband and I didn’t know where to go, and all our family lived 10 hours away. We stayed in hotels, but the air conditioners were moldy, and my son and I worsened. We spent a lot of time at parks and playgrounds while I scrolled on my phone, looking for rentals. I remember my daughter seeing homeless people sleeping under a playground slide, and she asked if we would be homeless. I told her our family would never let that happen to us.
Our Decision To Throw It All Away
A member of our church offered their Air B&B for several weeks while we searched for a home. The first morning I woke up, I didn’t pass out. It was the first time in many weeks I was able to wake without passing out when I sat up. It was the confirmation I needed that we were in a safe place with no toxic mold.
While I searched for more permanent housing, my husband went back to retrieve some of our belongings. We cleaned them outside with hydrogen peroxide and Micro Balance Ec3. Then we laid them in the sun for days. Finally, we brought them into the Air B&B. That night, my son had terrible vertigo. The next morning, I had trouble staying conscious. We removed our belongings, and there was improvement.
Our stay at the Air B&B was coming to an end. The owners had other guest reservations. We found a two-bedroom duplex rental that was only 18 months old. I didn’t have time to hire a indoor environment professional (IEP) for testing, nor did I have time to order an ERMI. My husband and I had a decision to make: Do we bring our belongings into our new home?
We decided it was not worth risking cross contamination. Getting our health, our bodies, our lives back was our priority, and if that meant losing all material items, so be it. We had been seriously ill for five months, and we were done trying to save our things. At that point, we only wanted to save our children. It was easier to throw it all away.
We second-guessed ourselves in some moments. We asked ourselves if this extreme action was right or were we putting our children through unnecessary trauma. Just as we were praying over this decision, I stumbled across Leviticus 14:33-53. This passage gives instructions on “remediating” a house that has mold. If the mold returns, and if the household contents were not taken out, tear down everything and take it to a place outside of town. This gave us peace we made the right decision.
We moved into our duplex with three air mattresses, new bedding, and Walmart bags full of a few changes of clothes, pantry staples, and cookware. The only things we saved from our home were nonporous items (metal, glass, or glazed ceramic). We kept our stainless steel cookware, our silverware, and the dinnerware set our grandmothers gifted us at our wedding shower.
My dad made the long drive down to help my husband take our entire household contents to the dump. We paid for the truck to take it there, and we paid the fee at the dump to throw it all away.
Reactions
If you are facing the decision to save your health by starting over completely, be prepared for reactions and guard your heart. There will be some people who do not understand how sick you are. There will be people who are just now hearing of your ordeal, and they have no idea how long you’ve been fighting this exhausting, terrifying battle. They will feel you are making a rash decision. There will be people who gifted you items, and they may feel offended that you are putting their gifts into the dumpster. Some people who think you are selfish for throwing things out instead of donating to the needy. There will be people facing their own terrible hardships, and they will play the comparison game of “who has it worse,” and invalidate your trials.
I have a vivid memory of standing in Walmart, trying to use the last of the month’s money to buy food and air mattresses for our new home while my phone was blowing up with messages about how selfish I was to throw it all away rather than donate. I sat down in the aisle and sobbed. For a moment, I wondered if I was making up our medical issues. Maybe I was crazy. Perhaps it was all in my head. Maybe it was all my fault. If so many people disagreed with our decision, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was a bad wife and a terrible mother.
If you find yourself in such a situation, you must remember this: the people making those judgments do not have all the information you do. Turn off your phone. Block those numbers. Snooze those Facebook friends. Do not let their opinions cause you to gaslight yourself. When you are out of your emergency situation, when you have had time and space to heal, you can work on repairing those relationships and sharing your story. Don’t let anger overcome your heart and remember these friends and family aren’t bad people; they just don’t know what you’re going through. Give them grace and give yourself space.
Meanwhile, lean heavily on the people who are supporting you. Listen to them. Soak in their love. My in-laws blessed us and bought us necessary items and sent us IKEA gift cards. Our relatives showered us with love and asked me to make an Amazon wish list they could pass around. My dad offered to create a Go Fund Me page for our mountain of medical bills. So many friends, even people I hadn’t seen in over 10 years, were writing me words of encouragement. Find your people and depend on them.
Count It All As Loss
One of the things that made this easier was my faith in Jesus. I know that is hard for some of you to read, but hear me out.
All my life, I was raised to know a selfless God. He gave up His own Son to save us. (John 3:16) Jesus willingly laid down His life to give us eternal life. (John 10:11-18) I grew up knowing selfless sacrifice.
As I got older and studied the Bible, I learned about the many people who gave everything rather than deny their faith, many people who died rather than be silent about God’s Word – the prophets of the Old Testament, many of the apostles in the New Testament. Philippians 3:8 says, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord.”
I was raised to value Jesus above everything. I also grew up valuing the sanctity of human life and knowing our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. When it came time to make a decision whether or not to throw it all away, these two truths remained:
- Jesus stays with me.
- Our bodies are worth more than possessions.
That’s it. It was as simple as that. Because of those two truths, I could count everything as loss. I could let it go.
One of my favorite Switchfoot songs is Hello Hurricane. The second verse and chorus say:
Everything I have I count as loss
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I started building
I counted up these costs
There’s nothing left for you to take away
Hello hurricane
You’re not enough
Hello hurricane
You can’t silence my love
I’ve got doors and windows boarded up
All your dead end fury is not enough
You can’t silence my love
No Regrets
You may wonder if we regret our decision to throw it all away. Of course we grieve, but we don’t regret it. My husband did pack some of our things into sealed storage bins, things that meant the most to us and also personal documents. We put those bins in storage. We left our home 2 years and 8 months ago. I took pictures of the contents of those bins and made copies of the necessary documents or ordered replacements. But every time we opened those bins, my son and I flared up.
We recently bought our first home. I stacked those bins in the garage. The past few months, I have looked at them every time I pulled my car in. I can’t open them. I can’t go through the contents. Those bins sit there and take up space, space I could use to hold the contents of our new life, and we have so much life now!
This week, the verse from Philippians 3:13b-14 popped in my head. “One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Our family has come so far. My daughter is completely recovered. I am 90% back to health. My son has a long journey yet, but he has come so far. I’m so ready to strain forward to what lies ahead, and I decided it was time to make room for it. I loaded those bins into a dumpster and said goodbye, and I said hello to the blessings that are coming.
The first blessing came more quickly than I ever would have expected. A college professor I haven’t seen since 2010, randomly decided to send me a flute, because she knew it was the possession I missed the most. How miraculous is that?
What Should You Do?
I can’t answer that; only you can. Before you accidentally contaminate your home or before you throw it all away, quiet the noise of others’ opinions, consider the following, and decide for yourself:
- How much control over the remediation process do I have?
- How sick is my sickest household member?
- Is cross contamination a risk we can handle?
- Can I put the most important items in storage?
If you decide you must throw it all away, remember this:
- You are worth it.
- Your family is worth it.
- You can go without.
- It will get better.
- Blessings are coming.
- Jesus remains.